"Anger Management"

As some of you know, I spent the last 2 Monday evenings taking a Dealing with Anger Class. The class was good, and while I can't yet say if I learned any helpful skills, I did discover some things, for me atleast.

Anger is more than just "getting mad". It is what happens when I don't deal with the stress and depression that I feel because of pain I've experienced. And, a lot of that pain that I still feel is a result of my having a hard time with forgiveness. That's another thing I realized..."forgive" is a bad word for me, it's a strong, intimidating word because there is so much attached to it. Because of that, I'm attempting to get comfortable with the term "letting go".

The following was written in a handout that the instructor gave in this class

When you forgive someone, it does not mean that you condone or are legitimizing their behavior toward you. To forgive them means that you refuse to carry painful and debilitating grudges around with you for the rest of your life! You are "refusing" to cling to the resentment of them having done you wrong. You are giving yourself some immediate relief from your OWN anger!
To forgive, then, is an act that we do on our OWN behalf.It has nothing to do with "lifting" the other person's sin! You are not doing it for their sake. You are doing it for yourself. This is a choice you are making on your OWN terms in order to relieve your OWN pent-up emotions.

That right there points out all my "fears" if you will, that go along with the thought of forgiving. Even though I get the idea of what it really means to forgive and let go, and agree that it makes sense and looks good on paper, I just still have a really hard time getting there, because somewhere in my mind, I still have this idea that: Forgiveness = What happened was okay.
So, that's what I'm really having a hard time with, but I'm really trying to get to the place where I can let go. It's going to be a long road with many steps, I assume, but I'll get there someday.